[Book 1 end] Ch.56— Promise

When Amy woke up, she could barely see anything. Except for the faint moonlight streaming through the windows, the infirmary room was completely dark.
She stared at the ceiling for a moment, then closed her eyes again, waiting for sleep to return. It didn’t.
She turned onto her side. As she did, the bandages pulled slightly at her ribs. She ignored the discomfort and stared at the wall instead. The wall was not particularly interesting, but it was something to look at that wasn’t the ceiling, so she gave it her full attention for approximately two minutes before giving up on that as well.
She turned onto her back again, this time facing the window, where her satchel sat on the bedside table. Amy extended her arm sideways off the bed until her fingers brushed against it. She didn’t pick it up, choosing instead to just rest her hand against the leather.
She closed her eyes once more, staying like that for a couple of minutes before finally exhaling through her nose, sitting up, and pulling the satchel onto the bed beside her.
She stared fixedly at it. Inside was Libris—or rather, the copy provided by the librarian—as well as the seal required to enter the lost city of Avalon.
Amy’s fingers hovered over the clasp. She thought about Azazel’s smile and the specific phrasing she had used: “Highly recommend opening it only when you are completely alone.”
Which probably meant that whatever was inside would be either truly useful or truly unpleasant, but still highly necessary, just like Crow’s gift had been.
Amy stared at it for a few more seconds before letting her hand drop. She wasn’t in the mood for anything that resembled work, effort, or processing new information just to figure out what to do with it. She had killed one of this manga’s final bosses approximately—well, she didn’t actually know how many hours ago—and she had done it while bleeding from multiple orifices and running on the absolute dregs of her mana. She believed that earned her, at the very least, one night of not having to think about anything with strategic implications.
She lay back down and stared once again at the ceiling before closing her eyes. She breathed in and out, trying to fall asleep. Yet, despite how much time passed, she remained wide awake.
She opened her eyes and turned her head toward the window. Unlike the window in her nightmare, the view outside held no chaos creatures, black rain, or colossal obsidian women staring down from above.
Probably…
Amy sat up; she needed air.
She looked at the door, remembering how the nurse had rushed in the last time she tried to leave the bed, right as a faint magic flared up. It was obvious a monitoring spell had been cast on her bed.
She looked at the satchel, then, with another tired sigh, activated her ability.
There was pressure behind her eyes again. It felt weaker than usual; she still hadn’t recovered all her mana. But the possibilities were there when she reached for them, and she searched for a way to leave without being detected.
She committed the golden path to memory, let her ability fade, and began doing exactly what it had shown her.
It involved moving slowly at first, then unlocking the window and silently lifting it at a precise angle. A simple, easy solution for a simple, weak spell, she supposed.
She pulled on her shoes and the coat that had been resting on a nearby chair, grabbed her satchel, and slipped out the first-floor window.
Just like that, she was outside.
 
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Amy walked aimlessly.
The academy was completely deserted, much like the nightmare had been. The air was cold, but not so bad that she couldn’t ignore it. She shoved her hands into her pockets and let her feet carry her wherever they pleased.
She walked along the outer wall of the infirmary building, turned where the path bent, and kept going. It felt strange to think that despite everything she had gone through, the world had stayed exactly as she left it.
If I had died in there, would anything have changed…?
She kept walking for what felt like half an hour until, unable to ignore her aching body any longer, she stopped.
Spotting a lonely stone bench near the edge of the path, she slumped onto it. She leaned her head back and stared at nothing for a minute, letting the cool night air wash over her face while her mind drifted into the void. Or at least, that had been the plan, until a small prickle at the edge of her consciousness kept annoying her enough to deny her rest.
Wasn’t it funny that of all the places she could have gone, she ended up here?
Amy’s gaze refocused, and she looked toward the central square in the distance. There, standing out against the stark, dark marble, was a makeshift monument—Elias’s shrine.
Amy looked at it for a few seconds, watching the light of the candles left behind by the students, still burning despite weeks having passed since that day.
So she wasn’t the only one who remembered, huh? The manga had completely skimmed through his death as if he had been worthless… but at least the world remembered.
Would she get one of those the day she died?
Amy stared at it in silence with a tired expression, which gradually transformed into one of confusion, and then, exasperation.
Of course, of all times, he had to be there.
A person was standing right beside it whom she hadn’t noticed initially due to the poor lighting—a man with black hair and black eyes.
Crow, covered in bandages just like her, stood completely still, staring down at the makeshift monument.
What were the chances…?
Amy frowned as she looked at him and swiftly decided on a quick exit; tension was high between them after everything that had happened, and the last thing she wanted was an encounter alone in the middle of the night while she wasn’t at her best— not that she thought Crow would attack her, but still…
Amy was about to stand up and leave when, to her misfortune—though not unexpectedly, considering her luck—Crow noticed her.
Crow was looking straight at her. Amy stayed on the bench, watching him and waiting for him to say something. Neither of them did. She really didn’t want to have this conversation, whatever it was going to be.
But he only looked at her a little longer before turning away. Soon she couldn’t see him in the dark anymore.
Amy let out her breath. Good. She could go back to bed now. Probably should, actually. Running into Crow out here was as good a reason as any to end the walk.
She stood up, but instead of heading towards the infirmary, she crossed the square. She was already walking towards the candles before she started asking herself why.
Amy stopped a few paces from the shrine and looked at the drawing of Elias in its frame.
She’d never even met him. Why was she standing here at midnight? She was covered in bandages, still in her infirmary clothes, and the coat she’d thrown over them could only do so much about the cold. After everything that had happened, she should’ve been getting some rest. That was what a sensible person would’ve done.
Apparently she wasn’t one of those.
After some hesitation, she rubbed the back of her neck and let out a quiet, self-deprecating sigh. There was no one around to hear her anyway. The square was entirely hers.
“To be honest,” she suddenly muttered, “I felt really guilty before. Because I couldn’t save you.” She paused, looking into the frozen eyes of the drawing. “But after some reflection… as bad as it sounds, I kind of have forgiven myself… I realized I really did my best,” she continued, her lips twisting into a bitter smile. “I pushed myself to the absolute limit. Yet, my best just wasn’t enough at that time. And I don’t know if it’ll be enough next time, either.”
She breathed in and felt the cold in her lungs. There was still so much waiting for them, at the academy and beyond it. Amy knew some of what was coming. Thinking about it made her hands shake.
She’d barely survived this time. How much more was she supposed to do? She could give everything she had, again, and it still might not be enough. For a moment she couldn’t see how she was meant to keep going.
“But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop,” Amy murmured, her gaze hardening as she stared at the flickering candlelight. “I’m still going to try to save as many as possible.”
Amy closed her eyes and took a slow breath. She reached into her core again. Usually she stopped before the strain became too much, but this time she kept going. There was a future she wanted to find, and she wouldn’t settle for just surviving in it.
The end of the world had to be stopped. The people she cared about had to live, and as many of the people who deserved to live as she could possibly save. She searched through the paths, pushing further than she’d ever tried before.
Eventually she saw gold.
It was deep within her core, brighter than anything else she’d found. Amy couldn’t look away. Everything she wanted was there. It was beautiful, and for a moment all she wanted was to reach it.
Then she touched the edge of the path, and the pain hit.
Her head felt as if it were about to burst. She hadn’t even started following it. This was only what it would take to begin moving towards that future: more mana than she could imagine using, coincidences that would have to line up perfectly, trillions of choices she’d have to get right.
Amy felt sick. Her ability was making the limit very clear. If she tried to turn her present towards that path now, even a little, her brain would explode.
She let go immediately.
When she opened her eyes, she was gasping. Her heart was racing, and she pressed a hand to her forehead, waiting for the pain to ease. She could still feel it even though she’d stopped using her ability.
It took a while before she could look properly at the drawing again. There were still traces of gold in her vision.
“That gold…” Her voice shook. She paused to get her breath back. “Everything I’ve ever wanted is there. Everyone I’ve ever liked, even a little, is alive. And I’m… I’m the person I wanted to be.”
Amy stared at Elias’s face. Her eyes were still faintly shining.
“I’m going to find a way to reach it. I promise. I couldn’t save you, but I’ll make sure to save this world.”
She stayed there until she’d caught her breath, then turned to leave. There wasn’t anything else she could say to him.
Walking back hurt. So did just about everything else, and she still had the window to climb through. Amy groaned at the thought but kept going.
By the time she got herself over the sill, she could barely breathe. She landed on the cold infirmary floor and stayed there for a moment before dealing with the window. She’d used her ability again just before climbing in; it had shown her the angle she needed to close and lock it. She followed that, took off her coat, and sat heavily on the mattress.
Nothing in the room had changed. It was still dark and quiet. Amy sat there listening to her breathing as her heart gradually slowed, but it didn’t feel quite like the room she’d left.
She found the strap of her satchel and held on to it. She wasn’t opening the copy of Libris tonight. That could wait until tomorrow. She’d earned some rest, even if she’d been doing a terrible job of actually taking it.
Still, she kept her fingers around the strap.
For a long time, she’d been too tired to think much beyond getting through whatever happened next. Saving the world had become something she’d worry about if she managed to stay alive. But with Abbadon’s death, and after seeing the gold when she dug deep into her core, she had come to a realization.
She really could do it.
She didn’t care how astronomical the odds were; the now-gone golden light still shone faintly in her mind.
Amy pulled the thin blanket back over her shoulders and lay down, staring up at the ceiling one last time before closing her eyes once again.
She had given her word to Libris, promising that she would kill Abbadon, and she had done it. Now she gave her word again, this time for Elias, and this promise, too, she would keep.
That was a promise.